A Catch

“You’re not just “a catch”, you’re legitimately the object of a chase.”

A really good friend said this to me this weekend after a long talk about some things that have been bothering me. I’ve never had a conversation with this guy that doesn’t leave me thinking. He always has great advice, and despite my difficulty in actually going through with the advice he gives, it’s just nice to have a different perspective on things, especially coming from a guy.

This weekend was a good one. But with some weird things thrown in, that, being in the emotionally vulnerable state I was (am) in from Boards last week, caused some escalation in reactions than would typically occur. But let’s stick to the good parts first:

  1. I bought new running shoes! A much needed purchase that my feet and legs and back will thank me for. I wanted to switch things up and go with the Glycerin, but after putting them on with my normal Defyance, I ended up sticking with the Defyance. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!IMG_6997
  2. I was asleep by 9pm on Friday night and it was glorious.
  3. I woke up Saturday ready to run! My best friend, Casey, was in town this weekend and since I had plans on Saturday in VA, she decided to join me on my run. It was awesome to have a friend on the run because I probably would have stayed in bed if she wasn’t coming over to join me. It was hot and we did 4.2 easy miles. My half marathon training has officially started.IMG_7002
  4. I spent Saturday poolside at Olivia’s with beers and it was perfection. After a long and stressful week, it was much needed to spend some time in the sun with some brews and good friends.IMG_7005
  5. Sunday morning was spent in my bed, reading Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty, watching HGTV, and thinking about all the things I could be doing, but choosing not to.
  6. I eventually got up and put away my laundry, organized my closet a bit (it was a mess), started putting all my PT notes and books away (no more studying, ever.), and organized my hot mess of a shoe collection under my bed.
  7. The movement in my room kicked up lots of dust leaving me sneezy and itchy – this led to an obvious choice to go swim some laps and lay out by the pool. Because, why not.
  8. I came home and my back was killing me from the swim. I laid on my floor with my book and didn’t leave for a very long time.
  9. And this weekend ended with FroYo with the best friend.

So that was my first weekend spent without studying in a long while. But here I am, thinking about that quote I have up there. “You’re not just a catch, you’re legitimately the object of a chase.”

I know my worth. And I know what I deserve. I respect myself and I respect those in my life. But why do I find it so hard to shake things off? Why do I struggle to let things go, to let people go, who don’t encourage growth in me, who don’t show me the same respect, who don’t show me the things that I need to see? I’m the worst. And I hate that I let things like this effect my mood so easily. My friend said all the things that I know I need to do, but it’s gotten to the point that it’s like – why? What’s the point?

The point is that I lie to myself by saying “It is what it is” and “What difference will it make?” You never know the difference it will make unless you do it. I know this is so, extremely vague, but you get the idea. I don’t like putting myself in a vulnerable state. I don’t like feeling like I could so easily be destroyed by a few words that I don’t want to hear. Which brings me back to this post. That I wrote almost a year ago, to the day. That’s crazy. So here I am, a year later, I guess still struggling with the same things.

And I just have to remember, that I’m not just a catch. I’m an independent, goal-driven individual. I know my worth. I am a doctor (!!). I am strong-willed and don’t need others to tell me anything about my life. I’m what they should be chasing. I’m the catch. I’m the catch. 

Waiting Game…

Thinking Out Loud posts don’t need introductions:

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1. Let’s be honest. My mind is no where but wondering how Tuesday really went. I know how I felt it went: terrible, exhausting, brain melting, ego draining… I feel like I blacked out through half of it and don’t even really know what was happening. But. It is what it is. And now we wait. Because I tried my best and within the next 10 days I will know how I did.

2. Let’s jump back to late last week. I had a rough night sleep one night and woke up to see the best quote from another blogger on insta…

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This was just too perfect. If you know me at all, gangsta rap is how I solve most of life’s problems.

3. Have you heard about the rage on tart cherry juice? I’ve seen a few articles on it in the paper, on blogs, and around the inter webs about the benefits of tart cherries and tart cherry juice.

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So my mom picked up some and I’ve been drinking it after runs. I’m not sure how much exactly you’re supposed to be drinking to reap the benefits, but I figured it’s worth a shot? My mom has pretty bad arthritis, so she is trying it out too to see if it helps with the inflammation. I’ll keep you posted!

4. Saturday, I was in need of a study break and luckily, my best friend Chelsea had just the cure – a BBQ/pool day at her mom’s house just down the road!

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It was a steamy hot day and the pool was so perfect! A few good beers and mixed drinks made by the bartender, Fabio, Chelsea’s boyfriend, did the trick to help cool us down too!

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It was a great time and took my mind off of studying for a bit, which was much needed! I’m so glad that I’ll have more time to do more things like this, now that I’m not studying all the time. I’m really looking forward to Chelsea’s house warming party in a few weeks because all of my best friends will be back together again and I won’t have the stress of studying to worry about while I’m with them!

5. Me and my college roomie have started to create our own snapchat back and forth to each other the old fashion way – through texts. It’s always fun to be able to just send awkward selfies to someone out of blue and you know they will send one back, just as silly and crazy.

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6. Sunday was the hottest day of the year. So naturally, I woke up without power. Around 7 am I woke sweating – I opened my eyes to see no fan on and I couldn’t hear my air purifier. Never a good sign. So I got up and headed to the gym and got 4 miles in on the dread mill. After a dark shower and sweating as soon as I stepped out, I headed to Panera for lunch and to study in some AC.

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7. Monday was a blur. My mind was on the test that I was going to be taking Tuesday. I saw patients, but I couldn’t tell you what I did with them. My CI asked how I was doing, and then I cried. I came home and knew that I just needed to decompress, relax, and get out of my head.

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To my happy place a went. I walked up to the dock of the lake, laid down, put my feet up, put on my meditation app, and closed my eyes for 15 minutes.

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When I felt calmed down, I walked the 1.5 miles back home to a dinner of brain food (salmon, asparagus and sweet potatoes), then went straight to bed.

8. Tuesday morning, I woke feeling nauseous, anxious, but ready to go. I ate my breakfast. Packed my snacks. Drank my coffee. And hit the road.

I got to the testing site with 20 minutes to spare and they let me start as soon as the processed everything and I got signed in. Before I knew it, I was submitting the last section of the biggest test of my life and walking out of the testing center. Wanting to throw up, wanting to cry, wanting to laugh, wanting to celebrate. I was just feeling all of the emotions. So I went to VA, picked up my classmate, grabbed Chipotle and a case a beers, and hit the pool.

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Because it’s okay to drink beer at 1 pm and eat Chipotle and bake in the sun after you take a 5 hour exam on everything you’ve learned in the 3 years of PT school.

9. So that brings us to here. And now. And the waiting game. I’ll know within the next 10 days whether I passed the NPTE or not. Whether I’ll officially get to add those 5 letters after my name. I know that I gave it my all, studied my butt off and did the best I could do. There’s not much else I can do but sit here….

And wait.

Test Day

Tomorrow at 7:30 am, I will sit down to take the National Physical Therapy Board Exam.

I have prepared the best that I could given the fact that I am working full time in clinical and have been studying every waking hour I am not at work. I have taken the practice tests, I have done well, and not so well on them. I have reviewed with classmates, I have read over things about a hundred times by myself.

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deserve to pass this test. I will pass this test. I have worked my ass off the past 3 years.

I’ve turned down so many fun events, told friends I couldn’t come hang out, rejected invites to weekend getaways and holiday celebrations. I’ve spent numerous Fridays and Saturday nights in this very spot, on my bed, or at my desk, studying.

At this point, I know everything that I will know. And I’m leaving up to Him to decide how things go down. He hasn’t let me down yet.

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I feel ready. I just have to take my time, read the questions, and know that I am well prepared.

I got this. We got this, classmates. We’re ready. Let’s go. See you on the other side.

#RealTalk

The stress levels are growing, everything seems to be happening at once, I have more and more added to my plate every day at clinic (which is GREAT! and exhausting), and I’m about to just spill it all out there. Since it’s Thursday. And Thursday’s are for Thinking Out Loud, thanks to the wonderful Amanda for this link-up to allow me to throw-up my thoughts through my keyboard.

The theme today is #RealTalk. Cause sometimes, you just gotta be real.

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1. I’m scared. About no longer being a student. About beginning the career that I’ve fallen in love with and royally screwing up. About not know what the f#&% I am doing once I get out there. #RealTalk: But I know that I am ready. And I have faith in everything that has brought me here today.

2. The Tuesday after next will be the day that my entire PT school career comes down to. At 7:30am at a Prometrics Center somewhere here in Maryland, I will sit down to take the National Physical Therapy Examination. I will have 5 hours to complete 250 multiple choice questions. #RealTalk: It will probably only take me about 3 hours, but I am freaking the EFF out.

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3. I have a patient right now that I literally have no idea what to do with. She was in tears on Tuesday because of pain. And I was almost right there with her, because I honestly did not know how to help her. I wanted to run. I wanted to give up and go get my CI. But I dug deep and used my knowledge. I had confidence in my treatments and I stuck to it. She left in pain, which was hard for me to watch. #RealTalk: I’m learning, that I can’t heal everyone.

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4. You know the saying: “Better sore than sorry.”? I usually love that term. I had 4 great workout days in a row Friday-Monday. I almost would have rather been sorry, than sore, on Monday and Tuesday. #RealTalk: I couldn’t even roll from my stomach to my back because my glutes hurt so bad to just touch. Also I’ve been living in compression socks all week because my calves have hated me.

5. If everything works out as planned on the job front(fingers crossed), me and my best friends from home will each be in four different big(ger) cities along the East Coast! #RealTalk: Chelsea will be in DC (in her awesome new apartment!), Hana is up in Manhattan (in her cozy new apartment!), Bianca is in Hoboken, and I will be in… drum roll pleeeeasssee… Philadelphia! 

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6. I had a rough day on Tuesday with a lot of stress happening and no workout happening due to my soreness. #RealTalk: I walked in the door from work, opened a beer, grabbed a box of cereal, and laid in my bed. Then my mom offered to get Chipotle. All was okay in the world.

7. If you ever played a sport growing up, you probably at some point in your life had to turn down plans due to said sport. For example, my entire childhood was “I can’t, I have soccer.” Well that’s what my life is like right now, except it’s “I can’t, I have to study.” #RealTalk: I can’t wait to never have to say that again. And that is motivation pushing me to keep on keeping on with the work + study + run + sleep = REPEAT. I know my friends are probably sick of hearing it, I’m sick of feeling like a flake and a bad friend, and I am so excited to be social again!

8. We may as well stick with the generalized theme of my career as we continue, it seems to be flowing nicely from my fingers. I love what I do. I love my chosen profession. I love that I make a difference in multiple people’s lives every single day. Not only do I make a difference, I improve their lives. I help them walk again. I help them regain strength to return to something they love. I change their lives after traumatic events alter their physical capabilities. And I love it with every ounce of my being. #RealTalk: I believe I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it again. The more that I work with the neurological population, the more I recognize that I really do not enjoy orthopedics with the same intense passion. I’m sorry that your back hurts, there are many people that would love to treat you, but given the option, I’ll choose your friend next to you that just had a stroke 9 times out of 10. (#RealRealTalk: Probably 10/10)

9. Things are about to get really real. Sorry if I offend you; it’s my blog, my opinions, you don’t have to like everything I say. But in a conversation with my mentor at work the other day, we started discussing vacation time. Apparently, one of her friends, who is a teacher, stated that “Teachers need the summers off, because making a difference in a child’s life is hard.” (I don’t remember the exact words but you get the gist) I have nothing against teachers. My sister is a teacher. My childhood best friend is a teacher. So many of the mentors in my life who I look up to, are teachers/professors. I understand and respect completely how hard they work. But to imply that other careers don’t make a difference, to imply that other professions don’t work hard to deserve some extra time off, I thought was a little much. #RealTalk: Again reiterating, that I love this profession and everything about it, but if there was one thing that I could alter… It would be that I could have at least one “off day”. Just like, once a month. You know, those days where you just aren’t feeling it.. When you just want to hit snooze a few more times.. When you want to just not think so hard, every, single, day, at work. But we can’t have those days in the healthcare world. Because people rely on us to help them get better. We have to be “on” all the time, because people depend on our abilities, on our knowledge, to help them get back to being able to have an “on” day without pain, or without a fall, or without the struggle to get through the day. I want to be the one to help those people, which is why I’m in this field, but #RealRealTalk, being “on” for 40+ hours a week is exhausting.

10. And since I never want to end on a negative-ish note.. let’s end with this zucchini. Yes. That’s a zucchini. And that is my head. And it is insane.

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And there you have my thoughts for the week. Have a great weekend – mine will be spent studying :)

‘Merica

If there’s one holiday that I love more than all the rest, it’s the Fourth of July. I love America. I love our flag. I love wearing our flag. I love red, white and blue. I love everything that has to do with this country.

That being said, I only have one thing to chat about today. And that is…

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U.S. WOMEN’S NATIONAL TEAM ARE WORLD CHAMPS!

FINALLY, the ladies have brought the World Cup back where it belongs – here in the U.S. of A.!!! All thanks to that lady right up there. Carli Lloyd stepped it up BIG time. She had a hat trick in the first 15 minutes of the game. Yes. A HAT TRICK in 15 minutes. Insane. I couldn’t stop laughing the entire first 20 minutes of the game because I couldn’t believe what was happening.

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I grew up watching this team play. I remember the ’99 World Cup vividly. I was actually hiking Pike’s Peak in Colorado (aka, driving up, I was 10.), and I taped the game. I wouldn’t let anyone tell me what happened and I went to my Aunt’s room and watched the entire 120 minutes and PKs and went crazy when Brandi Chastain scored that epic final PK. This team today has something special. They are incredibly talented, they are young, and they have the potential to continue to do great things.

I love that this team and the following behind them are continuing to grow. I love that when I have kids of my own, my girls will have idols to look up to, just like I did. I love this team, I love this country, and HELL YEAH WORLD CUP CHAMPS!

‘Merica.

Thinking Out Loud

My life is back to being boring. Work, eat, run, study, sleep, repeat. So I thought it would be fun to throw a little survey into the mix. I love filling these things out and love reading them on others blogs, cause you learn more about a person that you may not have known! I saw this post on Tina’s and Julie’s pages not too long ago, so I thought I would use this one!

Making: Memories! I can’t stop thinking about last weekend celebrating Sarah’s Bachelorette weekend. It was so much fun and I can’t wait for the wedding!

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Cooking: Lol. Once Whole30 stopped, I let my mom return to the cooking. I make breakfast – omelettes, oatmeal or pancakes recently. Monday morning I didn’t start work until 10:30, so I enjoyed the time in my bed with my pancakes, coffee and Today Show.

Drinking: H20. Ever since I did the Whole30, I really haven’t strayed too far from my water bottle. It’s always close by and except for significant amount of alcohol that I drank last weekend, water is my go-to for sure!

Reading: I wish this one was more exciting! I miss reading for fun. Believe me, once this test is over, the library will be my first stop! Current reads are my O’Sullivan NPTE Board book and my Scorebuilders exam workbook…

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Wanting: More hours in a day. To study, to have a few minutes to myself, to sleep an extra hour, to run errands I’ve been meaning to run for weeks, to clean my tornado of a room, to do the never-ending pile of smelly-running-clothes laundry.

Looking: For a J.O.B. I’m a little bit lost when it comes to job searching, but since I want to start working in September I know that I really need to get on it. I’ve applied to a few different places, submitted my resume and cover letter, and am just keeping my fingers crossed for a call for an interview.

Playing: With my nephews! Okay well, tomorrow I will. My sister and her family are leaving on Saturday for over a month. :( They will be going to OBX for a week, then flying out to Arizona until early August to stay with the in-laws and visit with friends. My sister and her husband lived in AZ for 10 years, my first 2 nephews were born there, but they moved back out here when S was 1 month old. So anyways, I plan on spending all day tomorrow with this guy, who is now 9 months old, is pulling himself up on furniture, clapping, crawling all over the place, and smiling non-stop. Gosh I just love him…

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Wasting: Time not studying. Now that we are under 3 weeks from my test date, I know I need to seriously buckle down and start spending all my extra time studying. This weekend will be a not so fun 4th of July weekend – it will spent studying.

Wishing: I had more motivation to work out lately. I think I’m going to cancel my gym membership because I just haven’t been going lately and it’s a waste money to keep paying if I’m going once a week. I run, but other than that I’m just so busy that I haven’t been able to get solid workouts in on the lifting side of things.

Enjoying: My time at clinic. I’m getting more comfortable with the patients, and I feel that I am doing better now that my CIs are giving me more space to let myself flounder a bit. I need to learn how to figure things out on my own when they don’t go as well, without turning to look at my CI. And I think I’m doing well!

Waiting: To hear back from all these jobs I applied for. I mainly applied in one region, which I’ll share at some point where that area is, but I don’t want to jinx anything so you’ll have to wait. I’m scared that I am doing something wrong, because everyone says that it’s so easy to get a job in my field. But I also know that I haven’t even passed my boards yet, or “technically” graduated.

Liking: Cherry tomatoes. Okay, so random, I know. But I don’t know why I am loving them so much right now to snack on. That, fresh blueberries, and freshly cut bell peppers. All of my g0-to snacks right now.

Wondering: How in the world it’s already July?! I feel like this summer has flown by and I don’t know how to feel about it! Bring on the real world, y’all!

Loving: Timeflies new song. DUH. I can’t get enough of it. Seriously, doesn’t it just make you wanna DANCE?

Needing: New running shoes! I’ll start training for my fourth Half Marathon at the end of July and I am need of some new shoes. I have my eye on the Brooks Glycerin right now! I have had the Defyance for the past few pairs and I’ve heard great things about the Glycerin.

Hoping: That I can stay injury free while training for this next Half. My neck has been acting up lately and my calves have always been in issue. So I’m hoping that I can stay injury free and just get it done!

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Wearing: All the red, white and blue. With the Women’s World Cup happening and it being 4th of July week, I’ve honestly worn red white and blue all week. Sorry, not sorry. #merica


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Following: The Women’s World Cup – DUH. The U.S. won on Tuesday, beating the number one ranked team in the world, Germany. We will play Japan on Sunday in the World Cup Final, a rematch of the last World Cup – and I see some revenge happening.

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Noticing: How little people care about the Women’s World Cup this year compared to the Men’s World Cup last year. I was hoping the hype would be similar – it’s not. Maybe people aren’t aware that the women actually have a chance of winning will win, where as the men, sorry peeps, will not.

Knowing: That the end is near.. of this extremely long survey. But, seriously. I know that the end of my clinical will be creeping up sooner than I think and before I know it, I will be an official DPT with a real job! (Hopefully..)

Thinking: That I’m chubby and can’t stop eating. I can’t wait to start training for this half because I know that I will get my workouts back in order. It’s been too long since I’ve trained for something.

Feeling: Nervous, Anxious, Scared. For my board exam that’s happening in 20 days.

Bookmarking: Bridesmaid hair styles. I’ve been searching Pinterest for different hair styles to do for Sarah’s wedding and think I have an idea of what I want to do. Our dresses are one shoulder and the bride-to-be is thinking that a side up-do would be cute with the dress. I definitely agree and I’ve been growing my hair out so that I can do a side ponytail or bun. Here is one that I am really liking…

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Opening: New doors and closing old ones. (Okay that was a little lame, I know). But seriously. With things changing so much in the next few months, I have new adventures starting and new doors that I’m opening. I can’t wait to see what the next few months bring me!

So there is that! Phew that was long. Way to go for keeping up with it all! I hope you all have a wonderful Fourth of July weekend celebrating this beautiful country of ours!