Friday Feels.

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It’s February 6th. In two weeks, I will be finishing my second clinical placement and preparing to head to Costa Rica. I’m so excited and so scared and so nervous about how close I am to the end.

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I know I shared with you all the emotions running through me as I approach this crazy time in my life.. But I feel like as I’m a few steps closer, I am feeling a few other things as well. So let’s chat about the feels…

I’m getting anxious about the lack of time that I have between the time I return from Costa Rica and the date of my comprehensive exams. (It’s less than a month) I’m nervous that I should have been studying for the past few months, while I have done everything but study. I know I will be okay in the end. Worrying for me is a motivator. I’ve ordered my board exam review book and I’ve pulled out old charts and notes to start reviewing. One step at a time.

I’m feeling overwhelmed by how quickly everything is creeping up on me. I’m constantly exhausted when I get home from clinic and have zero motivation to get anything done. Yesterday I had to open the car windows and blast some Timeflies to wake up, because I legitimately could have closed my eyes very easily while sitting in traffic. I need to start packing and gathering things for my trip – two and a half weeks spent in a foreign country is a lot and I just need to get everything prepped (Hello, Type A.)

I’m feeling frustrated at my inability to make future plans. I have friends talking about reunions, bachelorette parties, holiday weekends, and weekend trips. And I would love to say “Yes, I am 100% in!” But I can’t. I can’t make those kinds of commitments right now because while I know I have a generalized calendar of when things are happening/due/etc, it’s hard for me to plan things around my studying and research. My case report this semester is my final research project to earn my Doctorate and it’s my main focus. After that, passing the boards in July is my main focus. I know my friends understand this and are cheering for me, but I get frustrated when I can’t be a part of their fun. (Serious FOMO, guys.)

I think I am mentally exhausted. I’ve talked some on here about how I am a bit of an introvert. I mentally can’t handle a ton of social interaction. I get physically exhausted when I am interacting too much with people. I savor the time that I have after work to spend in my room alone and just decompress. I communicate with people every minute of my work day. If I’m not talking to the patients, I’m talking to my CI. If I’m not talking to my CI, I’m talking to the nurses, the case managers, the MDs, other physical or occupational therapists. I feel my weekends lately have been a good mix of social time and down time; but I’m really looking forward to this weekend of no plans. I have a meeting about Costa Rica and potentially a dinner with my sister on Saturday, but nothing else. I can’t wait to mentally decompress this weekend and just reset my social threshold.

On a more positive note, yesterday, two nurses on two different floors told my supervisor what a great job they felt I was doing; that I am one of the best students they have interacted with. I can’t tell you how amazing that made me feel. It completely boosted my mood and helped my confidence level when working with the patients. This has been the most amazing clinical experience for me and I am seriously so lucky to have had a great supervisor and peers to learn from.

I think that’s all the feels I have for you today. I think I just needed to get some of that off my chest and lay it out there. I know everything will work out and I will graduate and pass my boards and have more free time. But until then, I just need to remain headstrong, stay focused on the goal, lean on my friends and family who have been there since day one, and get it done! Because…

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