The stress levels are growing, everything seems to be happening at once, I have more and more added to my plate every day at clinic (which is GREAT! and exhausting), and I’m about to just spill it all out there. Since it’s Thursday. And Thursday’s are for Thinking Out Loud, thanks to the wonderful Amanda for this link-up to allow me to throw-up my thoughts through my keyboard.
The theme today is #RealTalk. Cause sometimes, you just gotta be real.
1. I’m scared. About no longer being a student. About beginning the career that I’ve fallen in love with and royally screwing up. About not know what the f#&% I am doing once I get out there. #RealTalk: But I know that I am ready. And I have faith in everything that has brought me here today.
2. The Tuesday after next will be the day that my entire PT school career comes down to. At 7:30am at a Prometrics Center somewhere here in Maryland, I will sit down to take the National Physical Therapy Examination. I will have 5 hours to complete 250 multiple choice questions. #RealTalk: It will probably only take me about 3 hours, but I am freaking the EFF out.
3. I have a patient right now that I literally have no idea what to do with. She was in tears on Tuesday because of pain. And I was almost right there with her, because I honestly did not know how to help her. I wanted to run. I wanted to give up and go get my CI. But I dug deep and used my knowledge. I had confidence in my treatments and I stuck to it. She left in pain, which was hard for me to watch. #RealTalk: I’m learning, that I can’t heal everyone.
4. You know the saying: “Better sore than sorry.”? I usually love that term. I had 4 great workout days in a row Friday-Monday. I almost would have rather been sorry, than sore, on Monday and Tuesday. #RealTalk: I couldn’t even roll from my stomach to my back because my glutes hurt so bad to just touch. Also I’ve been living in compression socks all week because my calves have hated me.
5. If everything works out as planned on the job front(fingers crossed), me and my best friends from home will each be in four different big(ger) cities along the East Coast! #RealTalk: Chelsea will be in DC (in her awesome new apartment!), Hana is up in Manhattan (in her cozy new apartment!), Bianca is in Hoboken, and I will be in… drum roll pleeeeasssee… Philadelphia!
6. I had a rough day on Tuesday with a lot of stress happening and no workout happening due to my soreness. #RealTalk: I walked in the door from work, opened a beer, grabbed a box of cereal, and laid in my bed. Then my mom offered to get Chipotle. All was okay in the world.
7. If you ever played a sport growing up, you probably at some point in your life had to turn down plans due to said sport. For example, my entire childhood was “I can’t, I have soccer.” Well that’s what my life is like right now, except it’s “I can’t, I have to study.” #RealTalk: I can’t wait to never have to say that again. And that is motivation pushing me to keep on keeping on with the work + study + run + sleep = REPEAT. I know my friends are probably sick of hearing it, I’m sick of feeling like a flake and a bad friend, and I am so excited to be social again!
8. We may as well stick with the generalized theme of my career as we continue, it seems to be flowing nicely from my fingers. I love what I do. I love my chosen profession. I love that I make a difference in multiple people’s lives every single day. Not only do I make a difference, I improve their lives. I help them walk again. I help them regain strength to return to something they love. I change their lives after traumatic events alter their physical capabilities. And I love it with every ounce of my being. #RealTalk: I believe I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it again. The more that I work with the neurological population, the more I recognize that I really do not enjoy orthopedics with the same intense passion. I’m sorry that your back hurts, there are many people that would love to treat you, but given the option, I’ll choose your friend next to you that just had a stroke 9 times out of 10. (#RealRealTalk: Probably 10/10)
9. Things are about to get really real. Sorry if I offend you; it’s my blog, my opinions, you don’t have to like everything I say. But in a conversation with my mentor at work the other day, we started discussing vacation time. Apparently, one of her friends, who is a teacher, stated that “Teachers need the summers off, because making a difference in a child’s life is hard.” (I don’t remember the exact words but you get the gist) I have nothing against teachers. My sister is a teacher. My childhood best friend is a teacher. So many of the mentors in my life who I look up to, are teachers/professors. I understand and respect completely how hard they work. But to imply that other careers don’t make a difference, to imply that other professions don’t work hard to deserve some extra time off, I thought was a little much. #RealTalk: Again reiterating, that I love this profession and everything about it, but if there was one thing that I could alter… It would be that I could have at least one “off day”. Just like, once a month. You know, those days where you just aren’t feeling it.. When you just want to hit snooze a few more times.. When you want to just not think so hard, every, single, day, at work. But we can’t have those days in the healthcare world. Because people rely on us to help them get better. We have to be “on” all the time, because people depend on our abilities, on our knowledge, to help them get back to being able to have an “on” day without pain, or without a fall, or without the struggle to get through the day. I want to be the one to help those people, which is why I’m in this field, but #RealRealTalk, being “on” for 40+ hours a week is exhausting.
10. And since I never want to end on a negative-ish note.. let’s end with this zucchini. Yes. That’s a zucchini. And that is my head. And it is insane.
And there you have my thoughts for the week. Have a great weekend – mine will be spent studying 🙂