A Catch

“You’re not just “a catch”, you’re legitimately the object of a chase.”

A really good friend said this to me this weekend after a long talk about some things that have been bothering me. I’ve never had a conversation with this guy that doesn’t leave me thinking. He always has great advice, and despite my difficulty in actually going through with the advice he gives, it’s just nice to have a different perspective on things, especially coming from a guy.

This weekend was a good one. But with some weird things thrown in, that, being in the emotionally vulnerable state I was (am) in from Boards last week, caused some escalation in reactions than would typically occur. But let’s stick to the good parts first:

  1. I bought new running shoes! A much needed purchase that my feet and legs and back will thank me for. I wanted to switch things up and go with the Glycerin, but after putting them on with my normal Defyance, I ended up sticking with the Defyance. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!IMG_6997
  2. I was asleep by 9pm on Friday night and it was glorious.
  3. I woke up Saturday ready to run! My best friend, Casey, was in town this weekend and since I had plans on Saturday in VA, she decided to join me on my run. It was awesome to have a friend on the run because I probably would have stayed in bed if she wasn’t coming over to join me. It was hot and we did 4.2 easy miles. My half marathon training has officially started.IMG_7002
  4. I spent Saturday poolside at Olivia’s with beers and it was perfection. After a long and stressful week, it was much needed to spend some time in the sun with some brews and good friends.IMG_7005
  5. Sunday morning was spent in my bed, reading Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty, watching HGTV, and thinking about all the things I could be doing, but choosing not to.
  6. I eventually got up and put away my laundry, organized my closet a bit (it was a mess), started putting all my PT notes and books away (no more studying, ever.), and organized my hot mess of a shoe collection under my bed.
  7. The movement in my room kicked up lots of dust leaving me sneezy and itchy – this led to an obvious choice to go swim some laps and lay out by the pool. Because, why not.
  8. I came home and my back was killing me from the swim. I laid on my floor with my book and didn’t leave for a very long time.
  9. And this weekend ended with FroYo with the best friend.

So that was my first weekend spent without studying in a long while. But here I am, thinking about that quote I have up there. “You’re not just a catch, you’re legitimately the object of a chase.”

I know my worth. And I know what I deserve. I respect myself and I respect those in my life. But why do I find it so hard to shake things off? Why do I struggle to let things go, to let people go, who don’t encourage growth in me, who don’t show me the same respect, who don’t show me the things that I need to see? I’m the worst. And I hate that I let things like this effect my mood so easily. My friend said all the things that I know I need to do, but it’s gotten to the point that it’s like – why? What’s the point?

The point is that I lie to myself by saying “It is what it is” and “What difference will it make?” You never know the difference it will make unless you do it. I know this is so, extremely vague, but you get the idea. I don’t like putting myself in a vulnerable state. I don’t like feeling like I could so easily be destroyed by a few words that I don’t want to hear. Which brings me back to this post. That I wrote almost a year ago, to the day. That’s crazy. So here I am, a year later, I guess still struggling with the same things.

And I just have to remember, that I’m not just a catch. I’m an independent, goal-driven individual. I know my worth. I am a doctor (!!). I am strong-willed and don’t need others to tell me anything about my life. I’m what they should be chasing. I’m the catch. I’m the catch. 

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